Lately I’ve being feeling pretty dejected when it comes to writing here across my humble little space on the internet. For the last two and a half years (oh how times flies) I have never felt this way before because blogging for me up until now has been something that I have quite literally fallen in love with. Starting my blog back in March 2012 I was still at university in my second year and never really anticipated just how much I would enjoy it and just how much of a role it would play in the next few years of my life.
Over the last two years and more I have had some brilliant opportunities and have spoken to some seriously amazing ladies both in person and online. There truly are some incredible and inspiring blogs out there that I look up to, in particular those that are able to convey their thoughts in writing as before I started to tackle this post today I knew I would struggle. This won’t be another post giving advice for fellow bloggers; I’m in no position to do so as I just don’t feel comfortable in doing so. Readers of my blog will know that I very rarely write posts like this, in fact I can’t even remember if I ever have.
For me blogging has changed considerably in such a short period of time however I guess that was only to be expected. The internet is an extremely fast paced place whereby new people are popping up left right and centre and of course where that materialises competition naturally occurs. Call it survival of the fittest, a natural instinct who knows however whilst I can accept that I think it’s also so incredibly important that we all remember why we started off in the first place. I started off because I love make up, end of.
The blogging community in recent months has been a bit up and down whereby the negativity at times has greatly overshadowed the truly fantastic people that are present within the community. I think because of the sheer nature of blogging and social media words can be taken out of context much more easily therefore my general approach is think before you speak, or in this case type. Overall the community is fantastic, there is so much support out there and so many wonderful people to speak to; believe me when I say that I feel really lucky to have been a part of that for so long.
Blogging for me is not my job, I make very little from my blog with just a few opportunities that arise every now and then therefore for me it has never been a case of wanting to make money, to receive products to review or to gain ‘fame’ within the blogging community. That will never be me. I’m the girl that shies away from so many opportunities in life because in all honesty I’m an incredibly shy and rather anxious person deep down. Some of you reading this may have met me before and may think that I do not come across that way (I hope), which I can assure you is some sort of front that I put up, fake confidence if it were. Deep down I’m just not that comfortable around people for some reason, especially new people. I guess before I start talking about that lonely issue I should save it for another post as I could end up being here all night.
At the moment my life is taking a bit of a turn as I’m heading back into education to peruse a career in law. Of course with making such decisions sacrifices have to be made whereby my blog is going to have to be one of them. Blogging for me at the moment takes up a lot of my time, especially as I’m also working a job completely unrelated to this. Since working more my blogging enjoyment has taken a nose dive and hasn’t really surfaced properly since, it’s sad but true and has made me question at times why I’m continuing. The course I’m starting will be incredibly rewarding in the long term yet it is going to mean a lot of hard work, that will and has to come first because after all my blog does not pay my bills.
Besides from changing my life in terms of a future career I’ve also grown up, my habits have changed and my interests have changed. As much as I enjoy writing about make up and skincare and of course buying new things I have now reached a point where I just can’t do it any more, at least not as frequently anyway. Not least because of the financial strain of sacrificing work hours to start my course but also because more importantly it doesn’t actually make me happy. It’s exciting at first but then a few days later I question why I purchased that lipstick, I didn’t need it and the money would certainly be better off in my account than the full to brim till at the latest make up counter. I do realise that I’ve made myself out to be some crazy spendaholic whereby trust me I’m not, I’ve cut back a lot despite my recent spend at Selfridges of which I will add it was the last of my birthday money from my family. You see even there in that very last sentence I feel as though I need to justify to you and indeed myself the reason for my purchase, I shouldn’t feel that way. By no means is this a ‘dig’ at anybody as it is how I personally feel about my habits in the past. As a person I’m changing, I’ll always love make up and you will continue to see make up on this blog for as long as I continue to write.
Overall I just feel a bit lost at the moment in where this space is heading. I would love nothing more than to write lifestyle posts such as this but I just don’t think I have the nack to it. The last twelve months have been some of the best times for me and quite literally some of the worst, I’ve experienced great highs and incredible lows therefore I feel as though I have experience in some areas of life to talk to you guys yet I just don’t think I can get it down on paper.
Has this blog post really conveyed my message as to why I feel dejected? I can’t help but wonder if it really has, I’ve certainly gone off on a tangent more than once; no wonder my GCSE Literature teacher told me I waffled.
P.S The image above by the way was from a recent trip to my local AONB whereby standing under those trees was pretty magical I have to say, you should all try it! I recommend finding the tallest ones you can.